Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Unexpected Changes

Yesterday I shared about all the fun happenings from the last 10 months while I was absent from this blog. {You can see it here.}

And as I mentioned at the end of that post, today I will share about the last two  months. Fair warning before you read on: the last two months were hard. There were unexpected events that rocked our world and tested our faith.

So before I jump into this I just want to mention a couple things:

~ I am sharing this and future posts on the subject to encourage others that are going through a similar situation {or any situation that is weighing heavy on your heart.} It was key for us these last two months to have people that surrounded us in prayer, encouraged us and reminded us that joy comes in the morning.

They sang the song in our hearts
 when we were exhausted
and felt like we could not go on.

And that is what I hope this post
and future posts will be for you:

A reminder that there is hope,
and there is healing for your broken heart.

Even though it may feel
like there are days you don't want to go on,
Keep Going.

Keep trusting though it hurts.

Keep hoping even when all seems lost.

Also please note: this post chronicles only the beginning of this story: the loss. Please join me later this week for the continuation of the journey. Join me as I share more from my journal entries on the process of healing, tested and refreshed faith, and hope for the future.

~ September ~

~ While on vacation I became suspicious that I was pregnant, all the signs were there. It was a glorious two weeks in the pool, playing in the sand, spending time with my family, and hubby & I dreaming about our new baby.

~ The night we got home I took 2 tests. Positive! I was thrilled, managed to keep the secret till the next morn. Told my handsome hubby and we spent the entire day planning and laughing like little kids over the good news. We could not have been more excited, our years of praying had been answered. He couldn't wait to tell our parents so we burst the secret that night. He can keep a secret, but not if it is a gift... he just has to tell!  {so sweet!}

How we had planned to announce the pregnancy -
photo taken on our vacation.
~ The next week and a half were full of making phone calls to relatives and me feeling awful with the normal pregnancy stuff.... and then I started bleeding. Then one night driving home from church I had a painful attack on my right ribcage. It was excruciating pain, and we were close to heading to emergency. But I was finally able to have some relief by morning and we decided to keep our scheduled Dr. apptointment instead of going in that day.

~ At our Dr. appointment later that week everything looked fine, the bleeding was just spotting; but just in case he asked me have external and internal ultrasound that day and have blood drawn too. Hormone levels looked fine and we were encouraged. But at the ultrasound we heard the unexpected: there was no baby in sight. The news knocked the wind out of us. How could this happen?

~ Dr. later explained that it was either a 2 week pregnancy that was too tiny to show {and we had gotten pregnant later than thought} or an ectopic pregnancy. We were asked to wait 3 days, have more blood tests and then come back...

~ Three days turned into 6 days of agonizing wait. By then people from our church knew to pray. There was a huge outpouring of love, support and prayers. Oh the prayers that were lifted in favor of this baby were amazing, we were humbled to know how loved and cared for we were.

~ Day 6 came. We went in for more bloodwork and ultrasound expecting everything to look normal. It was not. It was an 8 week ectopic pregnancy that had ruptured and had been bleeding profusely for several days. It was quite advanced in size and needed to be taken out - immediately. We left the Dr's office, went straight to the hospital. I was wheeled up to my room and was informed that I would be having surgery at around 9:30pm. We were all shocked, upset but through it all God gave us an deep sence of peace. I can't explain it, but I do know that through the agonizing sorrow and the overwhelming tears there was a peace rooted deep in my soul. I knew my Lord had me safe in the palm of His hands. I clung to the promises that His plans were greater than mine.

~ Twenty minutes later my room was swarmed by nurses and the surgeon who told me that I was being bumped up to the 6:30 time slot and had to get ready and be wheeled downstairs NOW. It was hurry up, go downstairs and then the wait... a long wait. Getting IV's in me is not easy. I had to have more blood drawn and then off I went. I remember waving goodbye while the tears silently rolled down my face and telling my family that I loved them as we rolled down the hall... then I remember hollering down the hall at my mom and mom-in-law to make sure that Hubby ate something. {oh the funny things that go through your mind at unexpected moments!}

~ Once in the 1 1/2 hour surgery took 3 1/2 hours. Our family was so worried, but it turns out a last minute emergency came in and I had to wait... at least I was asleep the whole time :)

~ Surgery went well. Dr drained a lot of blood and he had to spend quite a while cleaning it all out. He later said that is what caused the pain in my upper right shoulder/ribcage that night on the way home from church and thereafter. 

~ After an overnight stay, arms bruised from my fingers to the elbow, three incisions, and quite a bit of pain I found myself at home... babyless, heart broken and lost. Things changed so quickly in 2 weeks.

~ Yet God has been SO GOOD to me - to all of us. Sorrow comes, but His comfort is amazing. Our families have been so supportive and given of their time to care for me these last few weeks. Our church has loved on us, cried with us and we are so thankful for the extended family God has given us in our friends. It has been a time of joy and peace even in sorrow... and you know what? All Jason and I have ever wanted - no matter what profession our kids chose - was that they would be life long worshippers of Jesus. And through all of this we can say, we are the proud parents of two beautiful babies whose lifetime job is worshiping their Maker. What more could a parent want?

Thank you for continued prayers for: healing of heart and body and believing with us that God has another miracle ready for us in 2011!

May you be blessed.

All photos taken by yours truly.


  1. Oh Emily, my heart just goes out to you. Your faith is so inspirational & it's awesome that you are surrounded by such loving family & friends!

    My thoughts and prayers are with you! xo

  2. I love you. You are so strong, but it is okay if you ever feel weak too.

  3. Just read this post and it touched me so much. Bless you and yours and looking for bright things in the future.

  4. Thanks for stopping by my blog! I was heart-broken to come here and read this; may He continue to hold you and heal your hearts!

  5. Oh, Emily-Friend! I am catching up on my blog reading (or some of it)...I had no idea you had gone through such a difficult time. I am so sorry! I went through something similar when we were expecting our first child (and just four weeks after my brother died), so I understand the intense excitement followed by the terrible pain. I am so glad that you now have a precious little one to hold in your arms! God is so good to walk through our pain with us and give us so much. *hugs*