Unexpected Changes

Yesterday I shared about all the fun happenings from the last 10 months while I was absent from this blog. {You can see it here.}

And as I mentioned at the end of that post, today I will share about the last two  months. Fair warning before you read on: the last two months were hard. There were unexpected events that rocked our world and tested our faith.

So before I jump into this I just want to mention a couple things:

~ I am sharing this and future posts on the subject to encourage others that are going through a similar situation {or any situation that is weighing heavy on your heart.} It was key for us these last two months to have people that surrounded us in prayer, encouraged us and reminded us that joy comes in the morning.

They sang the song in our hearts

 when we were exhausted

and felt like we could not go on.

And that is what I hope this post

and future posts will be for you:

A reminder that there is hope,

and there is healing for your broken heart.

Even though it may feel

like there are days you don't want to go on,

Keep Going.

Keep trusting though it hurts.

Keep hoping even when all seems lost.

Also please note: this post chronicles only the beginning of this story: the loss. Please join me later this week for the continuation of the journey. Join me as I share more from my journal entries on the process of healing, tested and refreshed faith, and hope for the future.

~ September ~

~ While on vacation I became suspicious that I was pregnant, all the signs were there. It was a glorious two weeks in the pool, playing in the sand, spending time with my family, and hubby & I dreaming about our new baby.

~ The night we got home I took 2 tests. Positive! I was thrilled, managed to keep the secret till the next morn. Told my handsome hubby and we spent the entire day planning and laughing like little kids over the good news. We could not have been more excited, our years of praying had been answered. He couldn't wait to tell our parents so we burst the secret that night. He can keep a secret, but not if it is a gift... he just has to tell!  {so sweet!}

 

How we had planned to announce the pregnancy -

photo taken on our vacation.

~ The next week and a half were full of making phone calls to relatives and me feeling awful with the normal pregnancy stuff.... and then I started bleeding. Then one night driving home from church I had a painful attack on my right ribcage. It was excruciating pain, and we were close to heading to emergency. But I was finally able to have some relief by morning and we decided to keep our scheduled Dr. apptointment instead of going in that day.

~ At our Dr. appointment later that week everything looked fine, the bleeding was just spotting; but just in case he asked me have external and internal ultrasound that day and have blood drawn too. Hormone levels looked fine and we were encouraged. But at the ultrasound we heard the unexpected: there was no baby in sight. The news knocked the wind out of us. How could this happen?

~ Dr. later explained that it was either a 2 week pregnancy that was too tiny to show {and we had gotten pregnant later than thought} or an ectopic pregnancy. We were asked to wait 3 days, have more blood tests and then come back...

~ Three days turned into 6 days of agonizing wait. By then people from our church knew to pray. There was a huge outpouring of love, support and prayers. Oh the prayers that were lifted in favor of this baby were amazing, we were humbled to know how loved and cared for we were.



~ Day 6 came. We went in for more bloodwork and ultrasound expecting everything to look normal. It was not. It was an 8 week ectopic pregnancy that had ruptured and had been bleeding profusely for several days. It was quite advanced in size and needed to be taken out - immediately. We left the Dr's office, went straight to the hospital. I was wheeled up to my room and was informed that I would be having surgery at around 9:30pm. We were all shocked, upset but through it all God gave us an deep sence of peace. I can't explain it, but I do know that through the agonizing sorrow and the overwhelming tears there was a peace rooted deep in my soul. I knew my Lord had me safe in the palm of His hands. I clung to the promises that His plans were greater than mine.

~ Twenty minutes later my room was swarmed by nurses and the surgeon who told me that I was being bumped up to the 6:30 time slot and had to get ready and be wheeled downstairs NOW. It was hurry up, go downstairs and then the wait... a long wait. Getting IV's in me is not easy. I had to have more blood drawn and then off I went. I remember waving goodbye while the tears silently rolled down my face and telling my family that I loved them as we rolled down the hall... then I remember hollering down the hall at my mom and mom-in-law to make sure that Hubby ate something. {oh the funny things that go through your mind at unexpected moments!}

~ Once in the 1 1/2 hour surgery took 3 1/2 hours. Our family was so worried, but it turns out a last minute emergency came in and I had to wait... at least I was asleep the whole time :)

~ Surgery went well. Dr drained a lot of blood and he had to spend quite a while cleaning it all out. He later said that is what caused the pain in my upper right shoulder/ribcage that night on the way home from church and thereafter. 

~ After an overnight stay, arms bruised from my fingers to the elbow, three incisions, and quite a bit of pain I found myself at home... babyless, heart broken and lost. Things changed so quickly in 2 weeks.

~ Yet God has been SO GOOD to me - to all of us. Sorrow comes, but His comfort is amazing. Our families have been so supportive and given of their time to care for me these last few weeks. Our church has loved on us, cried with us and we are so thankful for the extended family God has given us in our friends. It has been a time of joy and peace even in sorrow... and you know what? All Jason and I have ever wanted - no matter what profession our kids chose - was that they would be life long worshippers of Jesus. And through all of this we can say, we are the proud parents of two beautiful babies whose lifetime job is worshiping their Maker. What more could a parent want?
____________________________________________

Thank you for continued prayers for: healing of heart and body and believing with us that God has another miracle ready for us in 2011!

May you be blessed.

All photos taken by yours truly.

Thoughts On A Week Of Separation

One Week.

Seven Days.

One fourth of a month.

{ok maybe that last one was a bit dramatic}

But that's how long hubby and I have been apart...

And every second seemed like days on that plane ride home.

I have been at a conference in Georgia {shout out to all you lovely residents of the south} and the week spent there was wonderful. It was an inspiring and enjoyable time. I loved every moment of the training and ministering done.... but... it always feels so great to come home.

Kiss my hubby.

Snuggle with the pup.

Sleep with my own pillow.

Get back to my nest.

As I walked through the door, I took a deep breath expecting the house to be slightly on the cluttered side.... ok who am I kidding? I really expected it to be overwhelmed with speakers {hubby's hobby}, dirty dishes, clothes taking up permanent residence on the floor, and volcanic eruptions from hubby using the obliterater {that's what he calls the food processor, I love it!}

Disclaimer: Hubby is not an inconsiderate, overly messy person that would leave me a huge mess on purpose. He is just the kind of man who would get really excited about some home improvement project hours before picking me up and then not have time to clean it up. {which I secretly find adorable.}

Ok just had to make sure that was clear. 

Well much to my surprise the home was pretty much in tact, all speaker projects had been completed and neatly stacked in the front room, clothes were dutifully placed in the hamper, and.... get ready for this.... all the dishes were done and the sink was empty.

Done. 

Empty.

The two most glorious words to a housewife when speaking about a sink full of dishes.

He did it just for me, even though I had told him not to worry about any of that stuff while I was gone. What a fantastic guy! 

And while there were several explosions from the obliterater and the floor was so sticky my bare feet stuck to it I could have cared less. He took a moment out of his free time to bless me by cleaning up the mess in the sink. 

He took the time to make me feel

welcomed

loved

appreciated.

And that empty sink spoke volumes to my heart that night. It was something small to some, but to me it was selflessness personified in a lack of dishes.

Who would have thought that an empty kitchen sink could be such an expression of love.

What small gesture has someone done that blessed your heart lately? How have you blessed others with a simple act of kindness?

All photos taken by yours truly.

In The Quiet Place

"A giving spirit is evidence of a grateful heart." 

Whose life could you touch today?

Although we may be exhausted, run down and feel like there is nothing left to give, there is always room to give.

A kind word.

A big hug.

A forgotten "I love you."

A prayer for someone in need.

Praise the Lord oh my soul,

And forget not all his benefits.

In The Quiet Place

"I'm asking God for one thing,

only one thing:
To live with him in his house

my whole life long.

I'll contemplate his beauty;

I'll study at his feet.

That's the only quiet, secure place

in a noisy world,

The perfect getaway,

far from the buzz of traffic."

~ Psalm 27:4-5 (Message)

In The Quiet Place

"And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high and how deep His love is."

~ Ephesians 3:18 NLT

As this verse says in the Message:

"Take in the extravagant dimensions of God's love."

Take a moment...

Show love to someone special.

Someone in need.

Someone who is overlooked.

Someone who needs to be loved.

Experience love today.